I want to play Hermione again.

God, I hate myself.

It's times like these when I want to delve into nostalgia to counteract my mood that I wish GJ hadn't gone belly up. There was so much that I wish I'd saved that I thought I didn't need to at the time, and now I regret it. And that which I did save is not satisfying enough. BOO.

I really miss the good old days when I didn't give a fuck about reviews, hits or interest in my stories when writing them. I wrote for me. When did that stop happening?

I joined an HP RPG game for the first time in...well, just a little over two years. It's gonna be fun. And I'm proud of myself for not being such a snob like I used to be.

I'm excited! We'll see how it goes.

Oh, HP movies, you always make me want to play in games again. And yet, not a single one looks at all exciting x_x and it's because I don't even know where to begin.

I never had this problem years ago. GTFO indecisive nasty life.

I miss Hermione. :(

I think there's something magical in seeing how a character's change in general over the years can affect oneself and one's sense of identity.

The very first characters I ever played don't really exist in my head any more. In fact, there are numerous ones that don't. The ones that stayed are the ones whose growth really affected me in some profound way, shape or form. I'm not going to go into names because that would take too long, and I don't want this to be a gigantic post.

I just find it interesting how, at times, I like to step back from a situation and think, "How would so-and-so deal with this?" Or when I have a knee-jerk reaction to something, thinking, "Is this me, or did I become this way because someone I played for so long had such a reaction?" Sometimes I think these are questions people ask themselves but never admit to doing so, not wanting to seem strange. But I definitely think that playing characters, especially ones who have gone through a lot, strikes us in such a way that affects our thought processes and ways of doing things.

As I sit here reading through stuff I've written with myself (yes, with myself--I mostly scene by myself now since my schedule is so horrible I can't do it with anyone else) over the past year, I find myself wondering how in the world I came up with it all. Then I stop to look at the dates and wonder what happened to myself around that particular time to encourage such scenes. Some are horribly depressing, while others are full of joy and happiness. Then some are so domestic that it makes me laugh.

The funniest thing to me is how these distinctive personalities have formed within my head. It's a creative process, coming up with a character, and giving them life takes a lot of energy. The real moment of intrigue for me comes when I find myself surprised by changes in behavior or radical differences in thought processes, etc. That's the moment when I realize the character has come into their own, and my part is more or less done. That's when I discover the character's voice, and no longer create, but interpret and translate.

This probably sounds completely strange and even a little unnerving, but I don't find it so.
It's just something I thought about on the drive to work today. I wanted to share it with fellow RPers.

I really miss Miles. I think he was my favorite character, hands down. More than Oliver, more than Hermione. More than anyone.

The funniest thing? He came into being just because I wanted to use Jensen Ackles as a PB.

1. The white birds
2. The puppet master
3. Sleepwalk
4. At the very ports they blow
5. History repeats itself
6. Telephone
7. The smell of hospitals in the desert

Thanks to 7spells over at LJ for the prompts.

Playing lego Harry Potter and reading old fic does NOT help me keep away from RP and writing. I don't have time anymore and yet, lolz, I want to play so bad it hurts. I don't even know where to begin. FAIL

Heaven above, I'm such a geek.

Oh, Jordan and Angela. You two are so adorable. If only you could exist outside of my head. ♥

I want to play AU!Miles' daughter Angela with Dianna Agron as the pb. She is fucking adorable.

"Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart..."

Best lyrics to sum up how poor old Jack will feel. I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish by doing this to him but hey, growth is good.

I can't believe I've written him for so long. This is the longest storyline I've done with my chars since leaving gaming ages ago. I've grown so attached to this kid. Lordy. I dunno how it happened but hey! Whatevs.

Now I just need to think where it'll go from here. I don't know if he'll be able to bounce back from me offing his one and only. Hadrian gtfo.

It's so weird how characters you envisioned one way can change over the course of putting them into play. I can't count how many this has happened with.

Just thinking about it.

Date:	2009-11-17 22:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

I think I'm in a rut.

Is there a dislike button on IJ? Please.

JESUS CHRIST IT'S BEEN 2 FUCKING MONTHS SINCE I ASKED YOU TO WRITE ME MY LETTER HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT WHEN YOU'VE TOLD ME LIKE THREE TIMES THAT YOU'VE STARTED ON IT BUT YOU JUST CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO FINISH IT

I DON'T EVEN CARE IT JUST PISSES ME OFF BECAUSE MY WHOLE ACADEMIC CAREER IS HINGING ON THIS. CAN YOU PLEASE JUST FINISH MY LETTER. PLEASE.

Also, what the FUCK is this quick update bullshit. No fucking thank you.

I really just want to write but I can't seem to get into the motions, having been out of them for so long. This is frustrating. It's like riding a bike, damn it, so get back on and GET WORKIN, MUSE!

Yayyyyy my Supernatural story on FF.net officially reached 10,000 hits today. That's the most out of any of my stories on there.

うれしい～

Meaghan and the Pye were so epic.

Your result for Roleplayer Test!...

The Biographer

Plotful, Character-Oriented, Platonic

Take Roleplayer Test! at HelloQuizzy

I wonder if it's bad that, when I play the HBP game, I always wanna scream "HEY I KNOW WHO THAT IS" when I'm wandering past people. Or when I joined the Potions club, that my inner Potions!geek characters surfaced and were like OH MY GOD YESSS. The HBP game is VERY big on Potions as you might expect, which is kind of funny, because I kind of suck at stirring and heating up potions. I can do just about everything else but that, apparently. Snape would fail me miserably!!

I should probably re-read the book for the movie coming up but I don't think I'll be able to finish it in time with all of the other stuff I have going on.

ASHLEY I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!T GRJOSHGIKAELBNKGL